well rested

Have you ever gone to sleep so early that you wake up at an obscene hour and it feels like you have insomnia and have stayed up all night anyways? My stupid gym doesn't open until 8am and by then I felt like I had already been up a long time and wasn't motivated to go. Besides, PowerGirls comes on MTV in under half an hour and I have leftover pizza I need to consume before it is overtaken with microscopic yeasts and whatnot.

Yesterday I was incredibly productive early in the morning but it all fizzled out by mid-afternoon. Our realtor started being an asshole and it completely ruined my mellowing. Even reading "how to snap out of a bad mood" in my most recent Allure (with Britney on the cover) didn't help. Also, I experienced some sort of food/drink bourne illness, which is probably TMI but it happened and it definitely wasn't fun. I wish my system were a little hardier. When I was a teenager I could drink like a fish but I got major food poisoning twice (once at cheerleading camp and once at a school sponsored event). Nowadays even a couple drinks can leave me feeling queasy, too much espresso upsets my stomach, and I seem to have developed an aversion to brownies (though that might be good news for my posterior region, and I only eat brownies once in a blue moon).

Today I'm debating whether I should get back on track or continue to laze around. I am considering driving to see my parents as well and spending the night with them to celebrate Easter tomorrow, but I don't know if I can make it through a sunrise service and mini-high school reunion (my hometown is so small, it combines several churches and has one sunrise service). I hate to rely on unladylike excuses but I do feel hideous thanks to an impending visit from Aunt Flo. I want to bludgeon my tv when I see and hear that Sarah Jessica Parker GAP commercial where she prances around and sings about how much she loves being a girl. Maybe I should stay home. LoL. Or limit my contact with the outside world to petting cute puppies I encounter on my solo cardio circuit later.

Viernes Buena

No work today! Yay! Unfortunately I'm experiencing some minor health issues so I probably won't make the most of the time, though I was already slightly productive and took care of a few errands and chores. I wanted to go shopping or fit in a hardcore workout this afternoon but it would probably be better if I gave my body a chance to recuperate. Maybe I will be up for it later this weekend. My boyfriend is going out of town to visit his family for Easter, I am looking forward to having the house to myself. To be clear, I greatly enjoy his company, but it is nice to be alone on occasion. I've savored a beverage from my favorite coffee place, I've lined up beauty products to use, and I'm planning to catch up on my fluff tv. :)

Total emotional rollercoaster lately. Seriously considering mood stabilizers even though I think the problems are originating from external sources and not me. At this point I just prefer total numbness to wanting certain people to suffer grievous, deserved bodily harm. I'm finding the saying "misery loves company" is true and there are just people who try very hard to bring other people down to their level, which really sucks. I know I shouldn't take that kind of attitude personally, but I do. How hard is it to treat others the way you would like to be treated? Do these people really think their approach to others is going to make them happier? Maybe I need to develop a thicker skin, but I hate when people are fake or unnecessarily rude. It agitates me. Not to sound like a martyr, but I try to be a good person and am genuinely nice to everyone until it is well-established that other tactics are warranted. I don't expect to please everybody or be everybody's best friend, but I do expect a return of basic courtesy and respect for my generally kind demeanor. I don't take my frustrations out on other people, and I warn/apologize in advance if I'm in a pissy state of mind, so I find it offensive if others do not follow suit. Oh fucking well...guess that would be too much to ask.

One of my friends is going to take me to something really neat and exotic (to me) next weekend or the weekend after. I will reflect on it afterwards. :-) I can't think of any more updates at the moment (not that anything I've typed thus far is especially newsworthy but I felt like typing) so I'm going to sign off. Happy Good Friday. :)

yucky sucky

Disclaimer: this entry will be filled with even more whining and bitching than average. :)

I called one of my friends I haven't talked to in awhile yesterday and she asked where I've been and I answered "in hell" and I wasn't totally kidding.

Trying to buy a house is practically a second job. First you have to research a ton of things - desirable locations, building features, financing options. Then you examine a bunch of mostly undesirable homes, with a few gorgeous ones you can't afford thrown in just for fun. Once you've settled on a particular property, there is even more to take care of. In the meantime, "concerned" people will express how "dangerous" it is to purchase a house if you aren't married. As if marriage is a lifelong guarantee of smooth sailing. Of course after all the paperwork is signed, you then have the pleasure of moving. I don't really mind moving because it is an opportunity to purge junk/unneeded items, the only thing that really worries me is the chances of my belongings being damaged during the process. However, not everybody shares my enthusiasm about moving so I figured I'd throw that in there because when you get down to it, it does fit into the 'job' category.

Speaking of work, I feel like I am at my wits end this week. It has been like a roller coaster, punctuated with extreme highs and lows. For starters, I received a semi-promotion (yes, after just a month *curtseybowcurtsey*). On the flip side, I had to take on extra responsibilities when my plate is already pretty full, but I thought it would be a good challenge. However, yesterday, I screwed up big time. I'll admit it, I wasn't paying attention and let something occur that should never have happened. I know it won't be the first time or the last that I make a mistake, but I was doing so well and now this sort of mars it. :-( I was careless, and I could make excuses and say it is because I am so busy and stretched thin, but I could have prevented it. :-( Oh well. I tried to soothe myself with a manicure and pedicure yesterday and it sort of worked.

I woke up early intending to take a shower, so I'd better scoot.

we might as well be cavewomen

If I hear another woman utter any of the following, I will personally create a time machine and blast her ass back into the past:

"I have to check with my husband"
DON'T YOU HAVE A MIND OF YOUR OWN?
"My kids...blah blah blah complaint about kids blah blah kids"
DON'T HAVE THEM IF YOU'RE GOING TO CONSTANTLY COMPLAIN ABOUT THEM
"Here is my email - husband's name (not hers)"
IF YOU'RE A "SAHM" YOU SHOULD HAVE TIME TO CREATE YOUR OWN EMAIL ACCOUNT

Glad to see the feminist movement was a giant waste! And that codependency is alive and well. UGH.

MYOB!

I absolutely hate when other people put you on the spot with a personal question. The situation is even more uncomfortable if there are more people present when the offensive question is asked. Perhaps my sense of boundaries is higher than "normal" but I prefer not to discuss certain things with other people. I just don't like to "go there." I also like to maintain a certain distance from colleagues/co-workers...that seems sensible and professional to me...but there have been a few people who try to break down my wall and clamber over and I'm just not interested in sharing details about my life with them. I certainly do not go through each day in a state of aloofness acting haughty towards anybody I encounter, I just think there is a difference between being friendly and being open. For the record, people I categorize as friends in the truest sense have crossed this imaginary line as well. I've always heard the saying "you shouldn't discuss politics or religion in mixed company" but I don't really mind either of those topics, as long as somebody else brings it up first. I relish a healthy debate. I DON'T relish having (what I perceive as) my privacy invaded. When people ask certain things I consider off-limits, they are revealing their motivation and character, and it ain't pretty. I usually respond by bouncing it back and saying "why do you ask?" or "I would rather not say" but occasionally it will catch me so off-guard I might stammer out the (formerly secret) answer. Either way I'll hate myself for it, yet I'll resent it even more that the person asked it to begin with!

hump day

Oh, no I diiiinnnn't...I resorted to titling a Wednesday post "hump day." I cringe when I hear people refer to the mid-point of the week as such, but I am feeling too lazy to think of a catchier title.

So, I received the "I'm a Bitch, Are You?" email many moons ago and it recently resurfaced in my inbox (different sender) but the content is still pretty cool so I thought I would share. For the record, I do not have children (unless you count when my boyfriend acts like a total baby) nor do I plan to have children anytime soon, but I like the phrase about raising the kids right. :-) Not enough of that these days...and upbringing can definitely shape a child's future - for better or worse!

Can I just say that I am extremely excited because one of the best shows ever comes on tonight. :-) I'm forcing myself to stay awake and watch it, though it is EXTREMELY tempting to take at least a quick catnap because the weather is rainy and cold. Ideal napping ambiance, I ~love~ being lulled to sleep by the rain, and snuggling under the covers when it is chilly. Hopefully I will sleep well tonight!

On that note, I'd better go fix myself some tea and gear up for the feature presentation :-)

I'm a bitch, are you?

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.
When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch.

Being a bitch entails raising my children to be strong people who have a solid sense of personal and social responsibility, who are not afraid to stand up for what they believe in and who love and respect themselves for the beautiful beings they are.

Being a bitch means that I am free to be the wonderful creature that I am, with all my own intricacies, contradictions, quirks and beauty.

Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart. It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak up against it, I am defined as a bitch.

The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.

I am sometimes outspoken, opinionated and determined. I sometimes want something and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed. And if that makes me a bitch, so be it. I embrace the title and am proud to bear it, for it means that I fear nothing when it comes to my life and those I love.

Send this to all the bitches you know.

bodacious

Last night I sank into a deep slumber rather early but I did not wake up until 7am this morning, which is like the equivalent of sleeping til noon for most normal (i.e., non early bird) people. Suffice to say it was way more zzz's than I usually catch and I felt extremely refreshed. I enjoyed an awesome espresso based beverage from my favorite coffee shop that I haven't visited in awhile. My boyfriend patiently drove me to 3 stores until I found this obscure shampoo I wanted after reading about it in Allure (interested readers with wavy hair, it is called Creme of Nature). He also tagged along without complaint when I browsed for clothing (hmmm have the pod people taken over his body?) Then we ate lunch at our favorite little restaurant. Oddly by midafternoon I started feeling the burn from yesterday's workout and wow are my legs sore! After we returned home (me hobbling in from the car ha ha!), I caught up with a couple of my friends. When that was over, I ventured back out and treated myself to some new FABULOUS makeup. I actually felt tempted to purchase more than I bought, but I restrained myself. I prefer to space that kind of shopping out and perk myself up every now and then rather than go crazy all in one day...when these new items start losing their luster that will be the time to augment my collection again :-) Plus I only have one face to put it all on! I capped off the day with a surprisingly good dinner - my boyfriend usually cooks for us, but he wasn't home. I turned to my friend Lean Cuisine and heated up one of their new "spa cuisine" meals. My expectations weren't very high because I view most frozen food as a last resort but the taste impressed me enough to write a note to self about stocking up! I promptly ruined the healthiness by eating 2 Girl Scout cookies with a glass of organic milk but I can rationalize that. Girl Scout cookies are only around once a year. I don't go crazy during the holidays, my nutritional habits are fairly good, so it stands to reason I can eat these guilt-free. I'm logical enough to keep my cravings for sweets in check and indulge in desserts sparingly. yay for willpower :-)

Continuing with the gush-fest, I feel compelled to share that things in general seem to be improving. Of course it helps that my hormones are leveling off,I've resumed my fitness routine, and cut down on the "junk" food...but other things have fallen into place. I'm definitely more up to speed at work, which is huge in terms of stress reduction. As anyone with prior job experience knows, the initiation period is the roughest. Of course this is my dream job and I wanted to instantly earn respect, so I threw myself into it to prove I belonged there. Naturally, expending that much energy everyday exhausted me. When well-meaning friends inquired about how I liked the job, I was honest and admitted it was draining. Some of their responses were not the supportive comments I expected, a few were downright asshole-ish and said "well, you wanted the job." Ok, I never said I did not want the job or regretted accepting it. I didn't even imply that I disliked it, I spoke in a non-whiny, matter-of-fact tone of voice. I simply stated the truth, that it was wearing me out at the beginning because I was so busy learning how things were done, adjusting to a foreign environment, etc. I've addressed that issue with the individuals in question and it is resolved, but it was eating at me for awhile. I'm sure they were not trying to hurt my feelings, these are the same people who misguidedly suggested I pursue other work while I was waiting for this position to become available...but I think it is possible to take a more tactful approach in certain situations even if unfavorable feedback is warranted. I can be very blunt and "brutally honest" on occassion, but I'm also sensitive enough to realize when I should tread lightly or back off. I didn't expect a pity party when I said I felt tired from my new job, but I also didn't expect such abrasive interactions. At any rate, it is water under the bridge now.

Finally, saving the best news for last and hoping I don't jinx myself by sharing this information...my boyfriend dropped some very strong hints about proposing. I've always possessed a very strong desire for a fall wedding, so odds are it would be next year to allow ample time for planning. Anyways, I've been waiting a LONG ass time for my ring - so all I have to say is, it better be gorgeous. ;-) I'm sort of picky so I am not sure if it will be a total surprise or if I'll have final authority on whatever is chosen. Guess we'll see...

quick like a bunny

This will be short and sweet.
~new cycle of ANTM tonight
~speaking of cycle and continuing with the acronym usage, PMS sucks
~the above 2 sentences make me cringe for various reasons but I kind of don't care either

As you were

muy bien

I've been drinking cafe con leche as an afternoon "pick me up" and it is like crack. METHAPHORICALLY speaking, I haven't actually tried crack, so I'm just making a general statement. Anyways, I still consider this new addiction better than drinking regular coffee. And damned if I didn't get 2 errands done on my way home instead of the usual tired retreat to bed as early as possible! :)