happy halloween!

How ironic is it that the story I am about to share is going directly over a post where I talk about how other people regard me as so mature for my age? Because what happened last night/earlier today is quite the contradiction to that claim.

I was at a bar with a couple close girlfriends and a few guys who were varying degrees of acquaintance milled nearby. I was already a smidge annoyed because someone practically climbed on top of me to order her drink, so I gently nudged her away from me, and she got an attitude about it. She asked me not to touch her. Um, who touched whom first? I wouldn't be touching you to indicate you need to back the fuck off if you hadn't initiated it by jostling me. Hello, personal space, people! I spied an empty barstool, and knew it wouldn't be empty for long if I didn't grab it. I made sure no one standing near it had momentarily vacated (to pay for a drink or whatever) but the coast appeared clear, and I plopped down. Relaxed. Breathed easy. A looooong time later, a woman I've never seen before comes right up to me, looking puzzled. I gave her an equally puzzled look back and she said to me "I got up to go to the bathroom, you are in my seat" I said, "exactly, YOU got up, and it isn't YOUR seat...but I'll be nice and share the seat with you" in the name of drunken diplomacy, because I figured anyone deluded enough to think a stool was theirs for the night was probably a little unstable. I graciously scooted over and she arranged her much more ample behind onto the seat. One of the guys we were with asked me "who is that?" and I rolled my eyes and told him "she thinks it is HER seat" and we laughed. Her gross frizzy yet coated in product hair kept brushing my arm and back which is one of the things I hate when I'm at a bar (damaged, split-ended hair that feels like straw being flicked around and brushing against me. ew. get a trim, every six weeks. use conditioner. it isn't that hard!). Her fat ass kept pressing against me, too. But like the martyr I am, I tolerated it for what I felt was the greater good. As we'll soon see, no good deed goes unpunished.

The girl mercifully got up again, not saying a word to me (yes, not even THANK YOU because I certainly wasn't obligated to share, but whatever, at least she was gone). I invited one of my friends to sit with me, considering both our asses (and senses of entitlement) together were smaller than the woman's. And I don't mind being in close proximity to people when I enjoy their company. Everything is merry and jolly for quite awhile. Then I have the SAME unhappy woman in my face again. She wasn't even as polite (which granted isn't saying much) this encounter. She tapped me on the shoulder (oh, the unwanted touching! multiple batteries in one night!) and said "you two need to get out of my chair" At this point I was a little fed up, so I stood my ground. I flatly told her "No, we aren't moving. You've left TWICE. You cannot seriously expect this chair to be here when you return, this is a crowded bar so when you get up you forfeit it, and it doesn't have your fucking name on it. So go away. Leave us alone" (yes, I actually said all this - go me) For a second she was stunned, because she was probably used to heaving her bulk around and getting her way after some histrionics. I thought she got my message, loud and clear. THEN she gets on the other side of my friend and SHOVES us both off the chair with her huge hips. The stools were tallish so we're lucky we didn't get hurt, being surprised and considering the distance to potentially stumble. Luckily I landed on my feet, even though I was wearing four inch heels and could have easily twisted an ankle. It caught me off guard so I just stood there with my mouth gaping open, incredulous. My friend had faster, more vengeful reflexes. She threw the remainder of her drink at the bitch. HA! Survival instinct at its finest.

The woman apparently was ready to defend "her" chair to the death, because she immediately threw her full drink back at my friend. The area of the crowded bar near us came to a halt, this was an upscale place and not where brawls regularly occur. Strangers who saw the whole thing happen kept coming up to us and asking what the woman's problem was. And I, in my indignant state, answered "I don't know what her problem is, she looks forty, you'd think being that old she would understand normal bar etiquette" I really didn't get it. I've been going to bars since I was underage and I would never dream of behaving like that woman and demanding a chair I vacated. Who would? A really sweet girl brought my friend napkins, and I asked her whether she worked there. She didn't, she was just being nice. I told her too bad because I wanted someone to throw that crazy bitch out. The girl said she was sorry she couldn't. My other friend said, "that woman IS obviously crazy, like clinically, let's just get the hell out of here" Then she tried to tell me the woman had a foreign accent and wasn't American and probably didn't understand. I'm sorry but manners are universal. I didn't want to go because I don't back down to people's tantrums (won't I be a great parent? ha ha I'll probably end up doing the opposite - caving and feeding my kid candy whenever it cries) and didn't want to appear cowardly. We were right, she was wrong, simple as that. At that moment, I understood how people can haul off and get into fist fights, especially with the ol' liquid courage pumping through the veins. I'm not violent at all, but the urge to strike this woman overwhelmed me. I felt riled up, and I said out loud "I work out. I could take her. She might be a LOT bigger than me, but she is out of shape, I'll win." My other friend saw that I was only half-kidding, sensed the rage building and offered a little advice that probably kept us all out of jail. "She is clearly ghetto and psycho. Don't stoop to her level. Plus she could have a knife or something" and I had to soberly concur with her reasoning. The friend who was also displaced felt differently, and wanted us to go over there and tag team her. It was hilarious, she delivered the plan: "you pull her hair, and I'll punch her" in an earnest tone.

The two of us decided we had to retaliate a little before making our departure. At that point, a crush of people separated us from the woman, but we could still see her. And she kept looking over at us (yeah, she better be watching her back!) My friend gave me the ice in her cup, and I took it back to the sixth grade and sneakily threw pieces at her. A few bounced off or got tangled in her nasty puffball of hair, but I had a couple direct hits. It was so difficult to maintain a straight face while she looked frantically around, wondering what was bombarding her and where it was coming from. Finally she put two and two together and stood on a chair, pointing at me, and drawing her hand across her throat in the universal sign for "cut it out" (or in her case, maybe she intended it as an "I'll cut your jugular" kind of threat). I gave her my best innocent, what the hell are you talking about, confused face. Then my friend and I turned away, exploded into giggles, and got the hell out of there. It was an evening to remember.

I still can't believe that woman. What planet was she from?

age ain't nothin' but a number...

Ever since I can remember, people have told me I am "mature for my age." I am not sure exactly what that means, whether it is a compliment or insult or just an observation. My boyfriend accuses me of being in a huge hurry to grow up (which sounds distinctly negative the way he delivers this comment, in a "stop and smell the roses" patient kind of voice the Type B's use with the Type A's). Another friend recently seriously confided that I am the most well-adjusted person he knows (which sounds like glowing praise). I do feel more comfortable around people my age or older. Maybe because I am the eldest child and if you believe those birth order theories that means I have respect for authority. I never minded being around adults when I was younger. I think it is because I feel those who are in my peer group or an earlier generation can offer their wisdom and I learn more from their input because they are more experienced and savvy about the world. The weird thing is, I usually feel ancient nowadays, even if I'm with people who have lived more moons than I.

The majority of the people that I associate with are at least one year older than me. A handful of my friends are significantly older (10+ years). One of my boyfriend's friends (who is 5 years older than me) started dating someone significantly younger than he (and me). I feel like a grandma around this girl, which is probably ridiculous, but it seems like eons ago that I was going through that phase. Sometimes I even feel elderly compared to my friends 3 years older than me, because certain aspects of my life are more settled than theirs. It is disconcerting that they call ME for advice, expecting me to share what I know and welcoming my opinion. Then I see people slightly older than me or my age who have reached milestones I am nowhere near (engaged, married, parenting, homeownership, established career, traveled extensively, etc.) and feel childish. I like the path I am on, but sometimes I do wish certain things would happen faster, so I could enjoy the memory longer rather than looking forward to it. On the other hand, there are a few inevitables I would like to postpone or prevent so I don't want things to pass too speedily.

I suppose it is the journey, not the destination, that counts.

PS - I'm getting a little tired of this deep introspection, too. I'm going to blame my moodiness on the lunar eclipse. I should have some nice, light material by this time next week. Ok?

where did it go?

My other "What's the Point" post mysteriously disappeared. I know I didn't delete it. But as "they" say, everything happens for a reason. Because I was in a completely hateful, pissy state of mind Monday and thought of more questions I'm not sure whether I should be pondering about. Some of them aren't even things I've ever given a second thought, yet seem to be popular points of contention.

WHAT'S THE POINT

*of having children if you're going to neglect them and/or let them be raised by nannies?

*of waiting in a long line at Starbucks to order a tall (that's small) decaf beverage?

*of pretending to have/do/be something you lack/can't/aren't

*of arguing about which way the toilet paper hangs? or the seat up/down debate?

*of ordering a diet Coke with fast food?

*of attempting to screw someone over for no reason with no remorse?

*of getting angry and riled up about "your" football team, opposing political party, rival college, etc.?

*of making the bed in the morning?

*of me being concerned with finding an answer to these queries?

tv rots your brain

I never watched much television until I was in college, when I suddenly had much more free time than I did in high school. I also didn't have to tussle with my younger brother over the remote anymore. It all began innocently enough. I invited a couple friends over on a Wednesday evening and we'd order pizza and watch Dawson's Creek (give me a break, I was 18, hello target audience!) A couple semesters later, my roommate was a complete tv addict. Seriously, she would even leave it on in the background to HELP her get to sleep (how fun for me, right?) This led to me getting irritated with the roommate and fleeing to whatever friend would let me escape to his or her house. If it was too early to go out and/or we had nothing better to do, we would watch tv. You're probably wondering "well, why didn't you just stay in your room if you're going to do the exact same thing" - unless you lived in the dorms, in which case you immediately understand. That scene can get tense. A change of company and scenery goes a looong way toward preventing additional ugliness between anybody forced to share confined living quarters.

Anyhoo, one friend whose house I sought frequent refuge at introduced me to MTV Real World marathons! You sit in front of the tv for hours! That was probably the gateway "drug" By my last semester of college, I was living alone and watching a lot of FX Network because they played back-to-back episodes of Ally McBeal and *cringe* Beverly Hills 90210 (to be fair, I never watched 90210 when it actually aired because I actually had a life at that point in time). My boyfriend also contributed to my couch potato ways. One weekend we didn't make any plans, and I turned to him and said "I've never watched tv on a Friday night before, because I'm usually out, not home, what is on?" and he chuckled the way a crack dealer chuckles when the person he gave a free "taste" to approaches him later. We used to religiously tune into Iron Chef on the Food Network, just to laugh at it. We would turn on the tv while we cooked dinner together, then watch a show while we ate, and continue to lay there in a food coma afterwards.

We go through phases of watching shows. I like re-runs because as I mentioned, I didn't view most or any of the episodes the first time around so it seems new to me. I caught up with Friends, Sex and the City, Will & Grace, Felicity, Surreal Life, Seinfeld, Boy Meets Boy, Single and the City, Sopranos, and Melrose Place. This summer I began watching the re-runs of the first "cycle" of America's Next Top Model and became addicted. Despite all the hours I log in front of my set, usually I can take or leave tv. I'll put Style Network or VH1 on and then get sidetracked by a phone call or start reading something, and not really care if I can't pay attention to whatever program. But now I eagerly await Wednesday nights and give ANTM my full focus. This show is terrible but it is genius. Watch it, you'll see. I also like The Apprentice and Scrubs. I hate to admit it, but I've also seen a couple episodes of Laguna Beach on MTV. I couldn't get into the OC but this is ok. Though the 2 brunette friends remind me of Rich Girls Ali Hilfiger and Jamie Gleischer. I'd probably enjoy Extreme Makeover, the Swan, and Niptuck if they didn't have the graphic surgical footage. I'm upset Queer Eye seems to be taking a hiatus, I miss drooling over Kyan and snickering at Carson's commentary. I also got a kick out of the Things I Hate About You show that ran after QE - a couple presents video evidence of their mate's most annoying habits. Made my relationship seem totally normal in comparison! I'm grateful my boyfriend wouldn't sell me out on national tv and film me at my worst. Why should he when I can sufficiently embarrass myself by confessing what a boob tube lover I've become?

weather pixie

GLANCEE

GLANCEE
Originally uploaded by fabdiva.

This is my newest footwear acquisition! As you can see, the shoes are tweed with round toes and a semi-high heel. Very fall, very NOW. ;-)

Oh, and I figured out how to post pictures to the blog! That should spice things up around here. I feel so technologically savvy, and I haven't even mastered flickr. Yet.

back in 1492...

...Colombus sailed the ocean blue!

Yay for Colombus Day! When I was in school, I loved Monday holidays. I'd much rather have a Monday off than a Friday. My favorite semesters in higher education were the ones where I managed to avoid Monday classes. I don't mind Friday classes because there always seemed to be a better vibe going on - everyone is looking forward to the weekend and feeling laid back. You can't say the same for Monday. I love that scene in Office Space where the co-worker inanely comments "you look like you have a case of the Mondays" (or something to that effect) to Ron Livingston because as you're watching - even if you've NEVER worked in an office - you feel his pain and just want to smack this woman. I hate smarmy indivduals who grasp for conversation about the lamest topics. I understand we all resort to common stuff like the weather from time to time, but there are those people who ALWAYS start with the same material. I don't mind if a stranger talks to me, occasionally it is even endearing when you have that awkward moment of prolonged eye contact and the person breaks it with a smile and opening gambit. Like when I stare at the Starbucks baristas as I'm waiting for my beverage and they begin chatting to fill the silence - speeds the time pleasantly along.

I actually haven't enjoyed any espresso for almost a week. Last Tuesday I had not one but TWO lattes, courtesy of my dad who was visiting me and loves to stop for coffee. He was going to THROW AWAY a non-fat vanilla latte after he tried one sip of it, so I rescued it before it could be tossed in the trash. We proceeded to lunch at an awesome restaurant, where I had a lovely Chicken Parmesean sandwich, french fries, and iced tea. Then after we had lunch we went to a different place for coffee and I had their specialty, which is a vanilla latte with an extra espresso shot and a dab of Frappucino like mocha stuff on top (this drink is delicious!). So in one day I ingested more caffiene than I do in seven. Crazy.

Now I am hungry and craving iced tea or a latte. Despite the fact I ate a huge lunch earlier. That's what I get for discussing food.

lunacy

Have you ever encountered someone who is totally psycho? Maybe I'm oversensitive but I swear I see them everywhere. And that is a little scary because have you ever heard the saying "like attracts like"??? Though I'm not really attracted to these weirdoes after I realize how crazy they are, which is sometimes instantly, so I'm not sure it counts.

I dated someone who did a personality 180. He went from a relatively "normal" guy to this stalker who called my parents house (and my apartment, and my cell phone) just to sit there silently (guess I should be thankful he wasn't a heavy breather) after I made it perfectly clear I had no desire to speak to him any longer. Now I live in a different city and have a different cell phone and an unlisted home number (that I have to PAY to have unlisted, what bullshit, you'd think the white pages company would appreciate having to print one less entry into the phonebook!) but I still get a little nervous when someone calls and hangs up.

Like many girls, I've made a few unfortunate friend choices. Various toxic character flaws eventually surfaced and I cut these people out because they didn't deserve to associate with me. Once I've mentally dismissed someone, I feel nothing but indifference. Maybe that is cold and heartless but it makes the transition easier for me, because even if a person proves they aren't worthy and deserving of your company, you WERE friends at one time and it is disappointing when they behave inappropriately and reveal their true selves. In most instances, the rejectee got the hint and the relationship ceased. However, there are always the people who don't "get it" Apparently, silence and inaction can be more infuriating than actually doing or saying anything!

I'll review a sampling of seriously whacked reactions. A guy friend whose advances I denied began starting rumors I was, shall we put it, less than chaste. Hello, if I were truly that way, I would have welcomed his attention. Please. Luckily it was so immature and obviously bitter that everybody saw right through it and my reputation stayed intact. Next, a quite co-dependent female friend who began pulling a SWF (ever seen the movie? Jennifer Jason Leigh copies EVERYTHING about Bridget Fonda) and emulating everything I did. There's a saying "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" but this started going a little far and naturally made me uncomfortable, especially when others began noticing. Thankfully unrelated events transpired to reveal her as completely untrustworthy, so I seized the opportunity and used that as my premise for the phase out. When she pressed me for a reason WHY I wasn't returning her calls or emails, in addition to citing the other offense, I delicately hinted that perhaps she revert to her old self and regain her individuality, and she completely flipped out. When people ask her why we aren't friends anymore, she claims I am jealous of her, continues to engage in similarly passive aggressive acts toward me, and persists in copying whatever she manages to learn about me through the mutual channels we still share. It amazes me how instable this girl is, I hear the "ree-ree-ree" music whenever I think about it and try to avoid her as much as possible.

Onto the less personal topic - random strangers. In college, I was sitting at one of the computers in the library, minding my own business. This dirty, smelly man sat at the terminal next to me, scooting his chair a tad closer than necessary, and proceeded to read over my shoulder! I glanced over at him and said "excuse me" and he whipped his head back toward his screen. This happened a couple more times, and there were no available stations I could move to. I decided to quickly finish the email I was composing, and he began reading the words I was typing to my friend OUT LOUD. To shut him up, I began writing "...and I don't even think this PSYCHO who is reading over my shoulder at the moment is even a student here, he looks homeless" (yes, that was mean and a low blow, but he DID! and he was being very rude and wouldn't leave me alone!) so he trailed off and stared at me and said with false bravado "I'm a student here" so I strolled over to the librarian's desk (yes, I was a tattletale, but I wanted him to go away, I was there first and dammit I paid tuition there!) and she apologized there was nothing she could do to remove him (fucking public campuses). So I returned to collect my belongings and he smiled at me and said "I'm evil" and I answered "No, you're pathetic" and I left. In hindsight, this was probably some post-traumatic stressed out Vietnam veteran with a huge chip on his shoulder who loved to shake up cute little co-eds, but it freaked me out at the time! I never checked my email between classes there ever again!

Another time I was at the movie theater on a date. My boyfriend and I were the only people in there, so we eagarly claimed our seats and were chattering about how cool it was to have the place to ourselves. Then this large man walks in and sits right next to me, then he starts making this weird chortling sound in his throat. Of all the seats in the theater, why that one? And what the hell was up with the vocals? There were plenty of other prime seats, it was practically empty! So we decide to move. Well, the guy moves near us AGAIN. omg. What is up with that? It happens to me at the gym, too. I'll be well into my cardio, plenty of empty machines around me, and someone strolls up to the machine RIGHT NEXT TO MINE. Ok, I am isolating myself because I do not want anybody's sweat dripping onto me. I do not want to hear anyone besides myself huffing and puffing away. Why why why do people do this? I can't look THAT approachable. And I'm not going to strike up a conversation with someone who just invaded my space. I wonder if I have this invisible aura that appeals to these nutcases?

best week ever!

Ok, that is an exaggeration, it wasn't THE best week ever, but I feel compelled to post on Fridays because that is when I tend to reflect upon my week. Also, the title refers to the best show on VH1 (tangent: I am liking a lot of VH1 shows these days, does that make me old? Or did VH1 decide to go for a younger target audience? Because their programs didn't appeal to me just a few short years ago.)

So my boyfriend and I are looking for a new dwelling. It really sucks because property values in the area where we currently live and want to remain are ridiculous. Even houses that are total shacks are well into the six figure range. The owners of the condo we've lived in for 3 years want to sell it to us. However, they are asking much more than we feel it is worth, so we're investigating our other options. Even though it is a pain to move, I wouldn't mind a change of scenery. Plus if we actually bought this place, I'd want to make some upgrades. It is one thing if you're renting and hate the carpet in the living room and bedrooms, but if it is your own house there's no excuse for not installing wood floors! My boyfriend also wants to remove the kitchen/dining area tiles and make it ALL wood. We'll see. It has been an interesting experience so far. I can't believe I'm in a position to make such a huge investment!

Tonight I am going to an appetizer/cocktail thing. Should be cool. I am big on grazing the gourmet goodies and washing it down with a nice glass of red wine or fancy flavored martini. Thank heavens I have a high metabolism and eat sensibly most of the time - it makes indulgences all the more enjoyable. October weather is absolutely gorgeous, too. Fall is my favorite season because the air feels wonderful. Significantly less humidity and that special 'bite' to it.

Right now I am wearing the most comfortable clothes in the world. James Perse cotton pants (no, I'm not a label whore, I just wanted to announce the brand so YOU can see for yourself how awesome these pants are!) and an old tee shirt that has been washed so many times it is disgustingly soft. I hope I can force myself out of it and change into the outfit I'm planning to wear later! Just the idea of doing so is upsetting me...this shindig better have some tasty sweets to make it worth my while! ;-) In the meantime, I am going to get some beauty rest! Ciao.